


Ten Ways in Which BBCs "Sherlock" Has Ruined Your Life

by svenjastrange



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor, ten ways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 07:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1419330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svenjastrange/pseuds/svenjastrange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it, basically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten Ways in Which BBCs "Sherlock" Has Ruined Your Life

**Author's Note:**

> (Now beta read by Katofthenoggins! Thank you!)

1\. Your friends are cross with you! They feel neglected because you use your smart phone way, way too frequently in the vain hope that a) Lestrade will phone you to ask you for help on a case, b) Sherlock will call you because he requires your assistance in some basic everyday action (like reaching for his phone or computer). He’s right in the middle of an experiment or working on his mind palace and really can’t bother to do it himself.

2\. You spend unnecessary – let’s face it: OBSCENE – amounts of time writing and/or reading (filthy) Fan Fiction. Also, you obsess over Johnlock, Sherlolly or whatever kind of pairing you have fallen in love with (But always remember: Mycroft and Mrs. Hudson ship Johnlock harder than you!) when really you should be working.

3\. You give your partner a long, dark coat for Christmas, subtly hint that you’d appreciate it if he’d consider getting a perm or use hair curlers over night and ask if he could be persuaded to train his voice to become several pitches deeper (and adopt a posh British accent if necessary) – your partner does approve: NOT!

4\. Youstart to believe polite is boring and therefore get in trouble at work, in the supermarket and basically everywhere else in your social life – Seriously, get your act together! People are starting to believe you are slightly sociopathic.

5\. You collect punches in the face like a pre-school kid collects flu viruses – maybe you should consider polishing those deductive skills of yours up a little before you go off deducing the hell out of random strangers and calling them “elderly, sexually frustrated dog owners with a drinking problem” or something similar. (Besides, always make sure to put forth your abilities in the art of deduction on appropriate occasions – aka only when someone asks, when the object of your deductions can’t hear you, etc. – because even if (or especially when) you are indeed right about your conclusions people do not like to be called “elderly, sexually frustrated dog owners with a drinking problem”).

6\. You have suffered from cases of light/severe food poisoning more frequently since starting to watch Sherlock because, in order to recreate your heroes’ experiments, you have begun to store body parts, chemicals and other non-edible items in your fridge. Also your friends have stopped visiting because, let’s be honest, your kitchen smells like someone has opened a morgue in the depths of a portable toilet!

7\. You’ve somehow lost contact with your sibling(s) – perhaps calling them your “arch-enemy(ies)”, repeatedly pointing out the futileness of their weight loss efforts or ignoring their texts (ALL THE TIME) did not go down all that well.

8\. You’re constantly falling asleep at work because a) you are still trying to figure out how Sherlock survived the fall, b) you were just going to re-watch the first episode before going to bed. Really, just this one! Oh, well maybe just one more… Really, just one more! c) see 1. (you are spending too much time on your smart phone), d) see 2. (you spend too much time with fanfiction)

9\. Your landlord/landlady is just one text message away from kicking you out of your flat because, even after he/she has told you about ten thousand times that he/she is NOT your housekeeper, you still keep texting him/her about doing your laundry, making you tea or doing your shopping. Also he/she did not take those bullet holes in the walls very well. The violin at three in the morning does not seem to be his/her favourite sound either.

10\. On top of it all you get in trouble with the local police. Since you’ve lost your job over all the rudeness, deducting and sleeping at work, you’re trying to insinuate yourself into every single case they have! You should probably stop commenting on the general lack of brains amongst police detectives though, because it might just get you arrested in the end.

I am not a doctor, but if you can relate to more than five of these symptoms, you should probably seek out help or consider going cold turkey… - Just kidding. Is there a show in the world we would be happier to ruin our lives for?


End file.
